Finding calm and clarity when your mind won’t stop spinning
by Gayle Kalvert
I recently sat down with Ashley Mitchell on Work in Progress, and I left the conversation feeling something I don’t take for granted these days: grounded.
Ashley is a licensed professional counselor, founder of Guided Reflections Therapy Practice, and author of What If It All Works Out? She’s spent more than a decade helping people navigate anxiety, self-doubt, and life transitions.
Something I deeply appreciate about how Ashley talks about anxiety is that she doesn’t talk about it like it’s something “other people” deal with. In fact, she calls herself a fellow anxiety warrior.
If you’ve been feeling more on edge lately—more overwhelmed, more reactive, more tired than you want to admit—you’re not alone.
Being nervous vs. anxious
One of the first things Ashley explained (that I wish more people would talk about) is the difference between being nervous, stressed, and anxious. Let’s break it down:
Nervousness is usually tied to something specific, like an upcoming event, a hard conversation, or a presentation. It shows up, you move through it, and it fades.
Stress is more chronic, like pressure from work, money, and other responsibilities. But when the stressor changes, your body typically gets the message and starts to settle.
Anxiety is different. The stressor can go away, but your mind won’t let it go; it lingers and you spiral. It creates dread, even when nothing is happening in the immediate moment.
That framework alone felt helpful because we sometimes label everything as “anxiety,” and doing that means we unintentionally minimize what we’re feeling. All too often, we create this narrative that we should be able to handle it all.
And then Ashley took us somewhere even more important: back to basics.
Back to the basics of self-care
She talked about the things that make the biggest difference in her own day-to-day anxiety management:
Sleep
Movement
Food
Hydration
Routines
Sunlight
Time outside
At first, I laughed because I thought, Is this self-care… or is this just being a functioning human? But that’s exactly the point.
We’ve become so accustomed to running on empty that meeting our basic needs feels like an indulgence. And then we wonder why our nervous system is constantly on high alert.
But Ashley pointed out that even one disrupted area—especially sleep—can make everything harder. Things like emotion regulation, patience, and stress tolerance.
And as someone with three kids and a dog, I immediately felt attacked. (Kidding. Mostly.)
We also talked about something that’s quietly making all of this worse: social media.
Ashley hears it all the time from clients: “I’m doom scrolling and it feels terrible.”
I think the hard part is that we often reach for social media as an escape, but it can actually increase stress and anxiety, especially when it becomes mindless, endless, and consuming.
Her advice was simple. Ask yourself: Do you feel better after you get off your phone or worse?
If it’s worse, it may be time to create boundaries, like putting time limits on apps or creating phone-free blocks. It’s hard in the moment, but the payoff is real.
Positive self-talk is part of self-care
Another moment from our conversation that stayed with me was when we talked about the power of self-talk and how the way we speak to ourselves shapes how we feel.
Ashley shared that your mind bases your feelings and behaviors on how you talk to yourself. So if your inner voice is harsh—“I’m failing,” “I can’t keep up,” “I’m a mess”—your body responds accordingly.
But if you can shift it, even slightly—“I made a mistake,” “I’m learning,” “I can try again”—you create space to give yourself some grace.
Give yourself grace. That sentence is so simple. And somehow, so rare.
It’s also at the heart of her book title: What If It All Works Out?
Because most of us default to What if it doesn’t? What if I mess it up? What if I can’t handle it? What if I fail?
Ashley’s question interrupts that spiral with something gentler: What if it works out? What if it goes better than you think? What if you’re actually okay?
It’s not about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about loosening your grip on worst-case scenarios long enough to breathe.
My challenge for you
That’s what I loved most about Ashley’s approach. It’s compassionate, realistic, and flexible. She’s not saying there’s one right way to feel better—she’s offering options. Tools. Tiny shifts.
And she reminds us that you don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Start with one accessible step:
20 minutes of sunlight in the morning.
A short phone-free walk.
A consistent bedtime routine, like writing down three things you’re grateful for.
Pick one. Build from there.
So here’s my takeaway, and my challenge for you:
If your mind has been loud lately, what’s one small thing you can do this week to give your nervous system a break?
Not a full reset. Not a dramatic transformation. Just one step toward calm.
And if you want a compassionate guide filled with tools you can actually use in real life, Ashley’s book What If It All Works Out? is a beautiful place to start.
After all, we’re just figuring this out together.
Much love,
Gayle
