Empathy at Work Isn’t Optional—It’s a Leadership Skill

by Gayle Kalvert

I used to think empathy was something you either had or didn’t. That warm, intuitive gift some people just seemed to carry. But my conversation with workplace empathy expert Liesel Mertes changed everything.

Empathy isn’t just a feeling—it’s a skill. Like any leadership skill, it can be learned, practiced, and sharpened. And the workplace? It’s one of the most important places to use it.

Empathy = A Toolkit, Not a Trait

Liesel invites us to stop seeing empathy as a personality trait and start seeing it as a toolkit. That means anyone—even those who’ve thought “I’m just not good at this”—can learn, practice, and grow. Our default reactions come from what we’ve experienced, not a lack of care.

What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say

You don’t need perfect words—just care. Try:

“I’m not sure what to say, but I care about you.”
“That sounds really hard. I’m glad you told me.”

Small, sincere words help people feel seen—more than anything scripted.

Boundaries + Empathy

Supporting others doesn’t mean being their therapist. Think of yourself as a “workplace first responder”: stabilize, then guide them to the next level of care. Simple tactics:

Ask first: “Do you want me to listen or help problem-solve?”
Set time limits: “I have 10 minutes to give you my full attention.”
Offer specific help: “I sent a DoorDash gift card” or “Want me to take notes for you?”

Empathy is sustainable when it aligns with your capacity—it’s about intention, not saying yes to everything.

Build the Muscle Before a Crisis

Don’t wait for tough moments to practice empathy. Try the Stoplight Check-In in meetings:

🔴 Red = I’m here, but it’s hard
🟡 Yellow = I’m okay, but distracted
🟢 Green = I’m doing well and focused

It’s quick, structured, and invites honest check-ins without oversharing.

From Resilience to Fortitude

Liesel distinguishes fortitude from resilience: resilience is what you draw on after a challenge; fortitude is what you tap in the moment. Workplace fortitude grows through intention:

Reflect together on past challenges
Ask teammates what support helps them
Set reminders to check in on milestone dates

Perfection isn’t required—just care enough to show up.

Empathy isn’t about perfect words—it’s about consistent intention. We’re all a work in progress. That’s exactly the point.

Much love,

Gayle